Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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