Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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