Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
