he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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