You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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