I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
