my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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