I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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