just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
