how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
