Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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