I hate your face
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
