My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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