oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
