I just made out with a guy for $7.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
