Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
