i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
