Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
