I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
