I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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