I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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