Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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