u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We talked him into tasing himself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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