wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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