hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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