I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How does it feel to date your dad?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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