got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize