A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
