It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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