if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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