If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
