Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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