I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
