In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
