high people should be assigned attendants
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
