Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
