is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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