I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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