oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I love black thongs
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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