What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
