You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
