The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
