wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
