Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
