well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
