the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
