I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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