I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
