Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
