$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
