she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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