you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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