He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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