Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize