I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
