it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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