Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize