WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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