The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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