you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
