Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
