i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
